June 4, 2012 2 Comments
Re-posting this because I fell prey to number 9 today, and laughed at myself as I remembered to take a deep breath and let go… :) Enjoy!
I’ve compiled a list of signs that may indicate you have patience issues. These may or may not be from personal experience, I’ll let you decide on that one!
1- People move out of your way when you walk behind them because they’re afraid you will run them over or sever a nerve ending or cut their Achilles tendon with that pointy work-appropriate
weapon shoe you’re wearing.
2- You get frustrated with the microwave because it is simply Not Fast Enough. (Then you get to the point where you skip the microwave altogether, because eating soup straight out of a can is less torturous than having to wait idly by doing NOTHING while the whir of the microwave fan/vent thingy threatens to drown out the sound of your own thoughts)
3- You wonder why the elevator has to stop on ALL those floors before finally reaching yours. (Yours = the 3rd floor)
4- You press the walk signal button for the tenth time in a row (in a record time of 0.67 seconds), knowing full well that it won’t make a bit of difference. (Obviously, if anyone can will that light into action it’s you, so it’s always worth a try).
5- You finish people’s sentences because they aren’t finishing them fast enough.
6- Standing in line gives you hives. Actual hives.
7- You perfect the traffic lane bob-and-weave to avoid red lights at any cost.
8- Every time you tell yourself “This time I’m just going to WALK for exercise”, you end up running because walking is just. so. slow. (Even at 9 months pregnant).
9- You get mad as you wait for the 3 dancing dots (…) on your iMessage to turn into words (WHY CAN’T THIS PERSON TYPE FASTER?!?!?!).
Even worse is when the 3 dancing dots disappear and words never materialize after you’ve been waiting and watching. (Absolutely UNFORGIVABLE is when the 3 dancing dots come… then go… then come back again… then go, in a mind-numbing exercise of indecisive text messaging that leaves you ready to strangle the person on the other end and curse Apple for giving you too much information).
10- You are a loyal member of the Church of DVR (fast forward through all ads and unnecessary content!), and are waiting to invest money in the person who’s going to invent the “Skip all commercials (except the Carl’s Jr. ones)” feature.