Howling at the Moon

To my dread and surprise, I have recently discovered that, unlike me, but COMPLETELY like his father, my son is a night owl. All day he can be the quietest kid you’ve ever seen, or at worst, a child with an energy level so even-keeled that surprising bursts of it are unheard of.

And then the sun sets, and the moon comes out.

And it’s all downhill from there. Or uphill. Whatever indicates an elevated energy level that I have never before witnessed in my son, that’s the direction in which it goes. Suddenly, he transforms from Mr. Mellow to a person who PHYSICALLY CANNOT SIT DOWN. I swear to you, if I tried to get him to sit during these .. um.. episodes, he would probably self-combust from the intensity of the energy vibrating and coursing through his veins.

It is, in the mildest description possible, a sight you have to see to believe.

His voice starts to take on a high-pitch, he starts literally running in circles around himself and challenging fate and Murphy by jumping off any and every elevated surface that can be found (and climbed) in the house. I am constantly worried he will break a leg or land foot-first into my kidney in the case that I happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Tonight, I could do nothing more but allow my jaw to hang open as he went through his frenzy. The most interesting part to observe was how much fun he was having watching my eyes grow in disbelief, and my jaw open wider and wider (I can’t guarantee there wasn’t any drool starting to drip out of the side of my mouth either. All I remember was thinking that the Energizer Bunny had been put to shame).

People, he was LITERALLY laughing at me. His eyes had that evil twinkle in them you see on cartoons, and he was mocking me as I tried to get him to calm down. He was infinitely playful, and EVERYTHING was the funniest thing he’d ever seen/heard.

The worst part of it all? The never-ending stream of words spewing from his mouth. I never knew a human being (one whose vocabulary is still MAJORLY in development, nonetheless) could utter that many words for that long of a time, in that quick of succession.

My question to the parents out there with more experience at this than I have is: WHEN DOES THE TALKING STOP???!?!?!??!!? OH. CRAP. You have no idea. Here is just a tiny taste of my evening. Enjoy:

“mamadidyouseetheplanetwhatwasthatattackingtheplanetandthendisappearingitwasitsomethingfromarocketship?orwasitthebigbluenoseinspacewasturningintowaterandthendisappearingwooooooowmamathat’ssuchabigvolcano!isn’titrightrightrightcanihavesomecandyfrommyhalloweenbucketpleasepleaseiwasagoodboymamaWHYNOT?!butyousaidok!thegreenthingisattackingtheplanetandthendisappearingitwhereisMARSTHEFIREPLANET?!seethesunit’sbigthemoonisreallysmalltheearthisourhouseisontheearthrightMAMA?theearththeearthPPHEWWWPHEWWWattackingtingscrashtogederandthentheyturngreenandblueanddisappeaaaaar!”

And that was just the first 30 seconds. Imagine (SERIOUSLY TRY TO IMAGINE) two full hours of the above.
Are you scared yet? You should be. Veeery, veery scared. And if you haven’t had children at this point in your life yet, you’re welcome.

I think Halloween has caused irreperable damage. Next year it’s carrot sticks and cucumber slices. Fruit has way too much sugar for his system, apparently. If I had done my math right, I would have been able to prevent this. At 20% percentile weight for his age, that means his system can only tolerate 20% the amount of sugar a normal child can handle before going to la-la land of the never-ending stories.

Lesson learned.

And now I will try to empty my head of all that noise, since I’m still shaking from the impact.

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